How do you take yours?

One in the morning
More at night
I swallow my sanity
How do you take yours?

I swallow my sanity
Reliance, prescribed dependence
Withdrawal?
I daren’t find out

I swallow my sanity
Swallow my pride
Chained to medication
Total tablet dedication

I swallow my sanity
My sanity makes me shudder
Makes me sick
Sick of my sanity

I swallow my sanity
The chemicals control
Without them I’d be…
Free

I swallow my sanity
How do you take yours?

Madness

Inherit a base of genetic tendency
Dust with ill-informed hedonism
Add a veneer of invincibility
Whip into a frenzy
Reduce to a gibbering wreck
Drop into a sea of uncertainty
Stew with a fog of insomnia
Breathe in broken dreams

Embellish with whispered insecurities
Abandon all hope
Ignore past achievements
Drizzle a broken heart over it all
Leave bitter and lonely
Unkempt in torn clothes
Under an atmosphere of mistrust
Drenched with ice-cold fear

My Flaw

You said you can’t cope
With my moods
Intrinsic flaw of my character
Almost beyond control
Perhaps beyond control
Feels beyond control
I can’t rely on you
To lift me out
To lift me up
To lift the dark shadow
So I shield you
From anger
Doubt
Self-loathing
Pessimism
Fear
Anxiety
And your own tears
I retrace my steps
Following the thread of my thoughts
Back to a happy moment
And try to start again

The Dying of My Brain

It’s the thought that counts

Perhaps I don’t think enough

Of others

Strenuous good will

Not enough

The lithium leached

Into my brain

And drained

Me of who I am

And molten cells

Scuttle together to find boxes

Of time and space

Solace

Sheltering, building

Sensible sense

Whilst freedom grows out

Dark maturity takes root

I try to think

But it’s the thoughts that count

Not the thinking

People not planet

I couldn’t give a stuff about dolphins
They may as well be like tuna
I would cut them up and put them in tins
Because I’d rather care about humans

I couldn’t give a stuff about the rainforests
About the extinction of some rare beetle
I’d try to kill them all if I thought
It would do some good and help people

I couldn’t give a stuff about whales
And animals killed by oil slicks
I’d barbecue them all and feed the hungry
And concentrate on helping the sick

People that is, not the planet
Although I agree it reflects
On how we treat one another
Our disregard and lack of respect

I do think that humans are more special
And think it’s plain to see
It’s far harder to care for a human
Than a dolphin, a whale or a tree

Worthless

Weeds strangle
Choke the truth
Steal water of life
Entangled roots
Seeded long ago
By careless words
And carefree lies

If I tear at them
The roots remain
The weeds grow again
Feeding on life

Help me God
To gently lift
The weeds away
From me

To reveal the truth
Of how I am
And how I want to be
Protect me from further seeds

From further weeds
And remind me
To ask You
To keep on weeding

Longing for my Captain’s Sea

I can barely feel I’m moving
Staring out a porthole
Longing to feel the wind on my face
The breath of God
The tug of the sail
The haul of the catch
Long for the roughness of raw hands
Hard work
My Captain’s work

For now I’m stuck in my cabin
The occasional knock
To enquire of my well-being
And invitation to the Captain’s dance
Formal dinner
Of bread and wine

Four walls surround me
I barely feel I’m moving
The intercom crackles
I sometimes catch the Captain’s voice
I talk back to him
From my little cabin
And stare longingly out to sea

The horizon barely moves
And the hope of freedom
To follow my God
On a yacht of faith
Powered by the breath of God
Travelling and growing
In the immense expanse of God
Fed by the catch of souls
Keeps me alive between dances

For now glimpses of the Captain
Capture my heart
But I want to move
He urges me to keep moving
To the far sides of the sea
Where His hand will guide me
And rest on me
Forever