Authentic Yorkshiremen

The Players:

First Yorkshireman;
Second Yorkshireman;
Third Yorkshireman;
Fourth Yorkshireman;

The Scene:

Four well-dressed men are sitting together on comfy chairs

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of worship singing that.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:

Nothing like a good sing song to Chris Tomlin, Josiah?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:

You’re right there, Obadiah.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:

Who’d have thought thirty year ago we’d all be sittin‘ here talking about Chris Tomlin and worship, eh?

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

In them days we was glad to hear a bit of guitar.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:

An out of tune guitar

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:

Without drums or keyboard.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:

Or guitar.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

In a drafty church an all.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:

Oh, we never had music. We used to have to just sit around and sing to ourselves.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:

The best we could manage was to hum old hymns.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:

But you know, we were happy in those days, though we didn’t have proper music.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

Because we didn’t have any proper music. My old Dad used to say to me, “Music doesn’t buy you happiness, son”.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:

Aye, ‘e was right.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

Aye, ‘e was.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:

I was happier then and we had nothin’ in the youth ministry team. We used to run youth club in this tiny old shed with great big holes in the roof.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:

Shed! You were lucky to run youth club in a shed! We used t’ meet in one room, all seventy-six of us, no furniture, ‘alf the floor was missing, and we were all ‘uddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:

Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to meet in t’ corridor!

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

Oh, we used to dream of running youth club in a corridor! Would ha’ been a palace to us. We used to meet in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got interrupted every Friday by folks dumping loads of rotting fish all over us! Shed? Huh.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:

Well, when I say ‘shed’ it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a shed to us.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:

Our ‘ole in the ground was filled in by t’council; we ‘ad to go and run youth club in a lake.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:

You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us meeting for youth club in t’ shoebox in t’ middle o’ road.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

Cardboard box?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:

Aye.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

You were lucky. We ran youth club for three years in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get there at six o’clock, clean the paper bag, buy a crust of stale bread from tuck shop, work with young uns from down t’ mill, for two hours every week, week-in week-out, and when we got to church the vicar would make us sit at back in the church, without so much of a thank you.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:

Luxury. We used to have to get to the lake at four o’clock, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work at youth club for four hours every day for a month, go to all three services on a Sunday at church and listen t’service from outside t’church, if we were lucky!

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:

Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to ‘ave to get to shoebox at two o’clock in the afternoon and lick road clean wit’ tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twelve hours at the youth club, every day all year, go to all three services on a Sunday, and monthly praise evenings and the vicar would complain that we hadn’t turned up to the prayer breakfast.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:

Right. I had to get to the youth club at ten o’clock in the morning, seven hours before I had finished work at t’ mill, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day at the youth club and pay the vicar for permission to volunteer, and when I got to church the church warden would hit me over the head with a church Bible, and the vicar didn’t even know who I was.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:

And you try and tell the youth ministry of today that ….. they won’t believe you.

ALL: They won’t!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s