How small does your penis have to be?

For you to need
To put your name
On the numberplate
Of your 
Offensively
Large
Vehicle
?
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The artist at the water cooler

“You go on ahead and get some lunch
I’ll just rest here, get me a takeaway”
The entourage left the Artist
As he sat down
Exhausted
Next to an empty water cooler
With no cups
An office assistant appeared
Dragging a barrel of water
Behind him
The assistant lowered his eyes
And heaved the barrel into place
“Will you give me a drink?”
He asked as the water glugged
“How can you even speak to me?
I am just an office junior”
For Artists do not associate with juniors
“If you knew who I was,
you would have asked me
to quench your thirst for life”
“Sir,” the junior said, “you have no cup
to use the water cooler.
You are thirsty yourself
How can you quench my thirst?
Are you the greatest Artist
That ever lived
That you can create water itself?”
The artist answered
“Everyone who drinks this water
From this cooler
will be thirsty again,
But whoever takes in what
I create
Will never thirst.
Indeed, what I give them
Will sustain and motivate them
Forever”
The junior said to him,
“I’ll have some of that!
Better than lugging water barrels around”
The artist told him
“Go bring your friends and come back”

Mechanised church

"The harvest is great 
But the workers are few"
But
We don't really need more workers
Do we?
What we need
Is a way
To mechanise 
The harvest
Make it more
Efficient
So
Let's build a machine
That reaps
What has been sown
Sifts
And sorts
The harvest
No need
For more workers
Just a driver
Harvesting is hard
So
Lets build a machine
So we don't have to toil
In the sun
Or the rain
No need 
To get hands dirty
So
Let's build 
A mechanised harvester 
And call it
Church

Church

And while I’m away
I’m leaving the fiancée in charge
Have you met her?
Yes
She’s the one
Who behaves like a whore
Has been unfaithful
On numerous occasions
Been violent
Lusted after fame
And fortune
But what can I do?
I love her endlessly
She’s my bride
And even
If she’s messed
With your own heart
And head
You should love her
And live with her too
Because
Apart from second hand words
She’s all you’ve got
Of me